Am I Enough? Reclaiming Your Worth (Taaka Awori & Dr. Gillian Hammah)

The most successful leaders I know still ask themselves one quiet question: Am I enough?

In this first episode of Season 4, we unpack why achievement doesn’t silence that question, it often amplifies it.

And how it quietly shapes leadership in ways most people never talk about:

Burnout that looks like dedication.
Comparison that looks like ambition.
Self-doubt hidden behind performance.

Because when your worth is tied to what you do, leadership stops feeling like leadership, and starts feeling like proving yourself.

In this episode, we explore real patterns leaders experience and practical ways to lead with more grounded confidence and self-compassion.

Season 4 opens with something simple… but not easy: This is not just a leadership conversation. It’s a worth conversation.

Join Rogue Leadership. A hands-on course + community to master the inner work of leadership. Link to register: https://rogueunion.org/courses/rogue-leadership

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Most leadership conversations focus on what you do, the decisions you make, the strategies you set, the results you deliver. But there is another layer of leadership that sits underneath all of it. Less visible, less discussed, but often more impactful. It is the leadership around what's happening within you, the thoughts you keep returning to, the beliefs you rarely question, the emotions you carry into your leadership, and the emotions you avoid. The internal patterns that quietly shape how you show up in every room. Because leadership shows up in your organization is the same one that's already taking shape inside of you. And that is where this season begins. Not with more tools, not with more frameworks, not with more conceptual identities, but with awareness. Awareness of what is actually driving your leadership from within. So welcome to season four, where we focus on leading from within. The inner work of leadership. Welcome to the first episode of the nuts and bolts version of season four, Leadership in Africa Redefined the podcast. Really excited to have you here. And I want to begin with one question. When was the last time you asked yourself, Am I good enough? Or some version of it? Am I smart enough? Am I young enough? Am I old enough? Am I competent enough? Am I articulate enough? And today I'm excited that we are talking about this episode. We're calling it Reclaiming Your Worth. Because one thing I've seen over and over again is leaders grappling with some version of not enoughness. And so what we will do in this episode, we'll talk about what worthiness is. We'll talk about how tethering your worthiness externally, what that does to your leadership. And as always, because it's a nuts and bolts episode, we'll end with some tips and strategies to ensure that you lead from a sense of unconditional worthiness. And luckily, given how tough the topic is, I am not here alone. So I'm excited to have my all-partner in time, Dr. Gillian Hama. Yay! Hi, hello everyone. Hi, Gillian. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I am very well. I'm very, very well. I'm very happy to be here again.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Yes, yes. And thank you for joining me to do this tough one. And thank you for being part of the very first nuts and bolts episode of season four. So, so Gillian, I launched into asking folks how they, when was the last time they felt not enoughness? And so maybe I'll turn to you so that we can get real personal quickly. Has there been a time you didn't feel enough?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

So interestingly, I would say that I generally have that feeling at least once a week. I love how once a week. Then you're doing at least, at least, at least. Because it's no matter, you know, the thing is, no matter what you do or or how you progress in life, you go through different stages. And because you go through different stages, you're always learning something new, you're always doing something new. So then there's always this residual feeling that okay, I'm in this new stage and I'm not enough. And even when you are in your current stage, a lot of times there is this feeling that's under the surface, driven by a number of different things. Um, and I'll touch on them, but I think most people that are human. Yes, if you pinch yourself and it hurts, you are likely having that feeling of inadequacy and feeling like no matter what you do, there's still more to be done. So when I when I look at it, um, it's just I for me, I think it's actually normal. And it's it's and that's why I'm really glad that we are talking about this today because it's how then do we deal with that feeling in the midst of everything that's going through, like not denying it, not feeling inadequate because we feel have these feelings, yes, but understanding what triggers it and then how do we deal with it. I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

So I'm glad you're bringing up the issue of it being normal. And I'm quite I'm in admiration that for you it only comes once a week, because for me, there's always some version of it every day. But I think what you're bringing up is that one, to feel not enough, it seems to be a human condition. The other thing that you're bringing up, which I think I've experienced, is like it's almost like a continuum of there's some days it can feel, and in some situations it can feel particularly intense. And then there are other times when I feel my worthiness feels more unconditional. And I notice how my leadership shows up quite differently, and I show up in the world quite differently. But I think one of the things I I want to note so that folks are very clear on this is that our conversation today is about how conditioning your worthiness affects your leadership. It's not so much on conditioning your leadership, if I can make that distinction. Because you you should feel like your worthiness as a leader is conditional. Like if somebody has hired you to give people a clear vision, if someone has hired you to empower people, build people up, then indeed, if you're not doing that, there's a problem with your leadership. So that's not quite what we're talking about here. We want to make it clear that what we're talking about is as a human being, getting that sense of I am enough, period. I am worthy, period, huh? Or I am not enough, and then how that pans out in terms of how you're leading. So I just wanted to clarify that right from the beginning, in terms of being clear how conditional worthiness as a person affects leadership behavior. And maybe just to concretize it a little bit more, uh, Jillian, what have you seen in terms of how when people feel they are not enough, how that shows up in their leadership?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Okay, so I would love to backtrack just for a moment to kind of touch on what tends to drive a lot of the that feeling of not being enough. Um, and sometimes I think we don't give enough space to that to realize that some of it is a lot of it is actually not our fault, a lot of it is environmental, in the sense that, you know, that that sense of the extent to which you feel like you are enough or you are not enough comes from family. Yes, how you were raised, yes, um the messages that you you get. I remember I had a friend who he and this is a a guy which is a bit unusual, but he was always talking down to himself, and it got passed on to his son in that he didn't think he himself was worthy, and so he used to talk when he would refer to his son, it's like he's average, you know, it's okay, he's just an average child, he's just an average child. And if you're saying that to me, by all means, your son will feel that as well. And and so then he used to wonder why he was spending so much money with tutors on this child. But so these feelings come one from family and and the messages that we get. To what extent do we tell our kids you are worthy, you are great, you are beautiful, you are all of those things. But there's also the cultural side to it as well, where some cultures have higher levels of that feeling than others. And and so funny enough, this morning I was having um coffee with uh a friend, she's Jamaican, just like I am, and we were talking about the fact that you know, Jamaicans naturally we are more our sense of worth is generally higher, like even when there's nothing to support it. To say it both. Um yes, we are there. But if you look at North Americans, theirs is even higher, and so you will find that in many cases, depending on the culture that you are coming from, you tend to have this feeling of that culture is better than mine, or you may be in a culture where you feel like you are better than the others. So you you have culture, you have family, you have gender. Yes, where wolves many times we suffer from this more than even because we feel like we are we always have to be competing with men, and and in many cases we do, and the the the playing field is not the same, but and race, you know, because as as sometimes as a black person, you feel like you're not as good as. Yes. And it's these are all conditionings that then impact how we show up as leaders, and so it's no, I'm glad you sorry, yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

No, I I'm so glad you're raising that. I'm glad you've taken us back because I think what you're what you're there's two things I want to bring up from what you've said. One is that I think our clear message here is that ideally we're working from a sense of I am worthy as a human being, full stop. But the reality, and this is what I'm hearing you say, the reality is that we live in worlds and societies that give different messages. Yes. That give us different messages about whether you're worthy or not. So all of that plays plays a number on us. And we are conditioned. Yes, so we can socialized, yes, from very but there is something else I think we need to mention is that, and related to what you said about upbringing, for many of us, we got certain messages that you were valuable if dash dash dash dash dash. So, like I know for I I get the sense from the family I was bought in, your value and your worthiness was highly tied to achievement. Yes, uh, success, intelligence, those kinds of things. Titles. Titles, oh, you know, it can be all of those kinds of things. So that it means when you so it's almost like you've tethered your worthiness to things outside of you. So when those things are not present, when you are not achieving, when you're not productive, you're talking about the messages you get as a woman. Yeah, you're worthy as a woman. When you're loving, you're caring, you're taking care of others. So when one is not doing those things, you're like, oh my gosh, am I worthy? And you're so right. Those messages, that's messaging we've gotten. So you're spot on. The the feeling of unworthiness comes not just out of the air. It's so inborn. Um not so it's so common because we're deeply socialized to believe that our worthiness is conditional.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

And you don't even realize it's so unconscious. Um and so, you know, just to come back to your your question of how this conditional worthiness shows up. It in the workspace, it often shows up now through how you perform on the job. Yes. Um, if you are an entrepreneur, how your company is performing. Um, if you are, you know, what title do you have, even what how much you're getting paid. There, there's some there's some cultures, people from certain cultures, where when they talk to you, they lead with how much they earn. And they lead with how much they spend. And it's like it comes into every conversation because their worth is wrapped up in it. In how much they earn. It is so it just, you know, but there's a story that I remember reading last year, I think it was. And it was about he's a very popular author, Simon Sinek. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, and but he he wrote about many, many years ago, he went to speak at a conference. Okay. And so it's the contrast was between a ceramic cup and a and a styrofoam cup. But the point was he went to speak at a conference. Okay. And the first year that he went, he was an executive of a company. So they flew him first class to the conference. Um, they had somebody pick him up at the airport. Okay. And when he got to the conference, they had coffee laid out, all kinds of things, and in a beautiful glass, ceramic mug, that kind of thing. The next year he went back to speak at the conference, he was no longer with the company. Okay. And so he talks about now having to fly economy and having to walk to the venue. And the cup of coffee that he had was now from the vending machine in the hall in a styrofoam cup. And what he realized was that the the the title or the the position that he held was what was behind the cup. It wasn't him. Like, so the ceramic cup had nothing to do with him. His his who they were rewarding, the perks that were coming with it, was about the title, it wasn't about him. And so when he stepped out, that got transferred to somebody else. And so it's this thing where we wrap up who we are and how worthy we feel in the things that we get or or the things that so we measure our sense of leadership exactly, exactly. And that is what then we don't we don't have control over that. Yes, but that's what we put our we stake our identity on. And so it's it's now looking at how do you find your identity outside of the perks that come with certain titles and certain positions in life.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

I I really love what you're bringing up. This this linkage of identity. You know, there's always this question around um why is it some politicians find it so hard to leave political office when they lose an election? And the reality is more so than any other leadership position, no, maybe not more so, but in a particular way, political office has all the trappings of leadership. So I find what leadership does is it doesn't take away your worthiness issue, it exposes it. It actually is like putting fire to it. So for a politician, like an MP, all of a sudden you had the car, you had the name honorable. And again, you know me, I always talk about it because it annoys me very much. When you want to jump the line, you get outriders and you go and you push everybody off the road. And so then when you get out of traffic, traffic is not a thing for you.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Traffic, it's in traffic. What is traffic? We just jump and we avoid traffic. So you start to feel my value is I never wait. Yeah, I don't sit in traffic, I'm always business class. So when all of that goes, you are like, eh, now I have to wait with others in this traffic jam. Now I have to ride the economy. Then the question becomes am I still worthy? Because it is so easy to tie your worthiness to the trappings of leadership, which is why, in fact, they call them the trappings. Yes. Because that's all they are. They're a trap. It traps you. It traps you. It traps you. And and I I would love to share some patterns I would see, you know, I often see. And folks, I encourage you to see whether, I mean, what we find with worthiness, with all of this work, it's how you tie, you you turn the mirror to look within. And there are a couple of things, and I'd be interested to see what you are also seeing, how this dance of unworthiness or trance of unworthiness, as some writers have referred to it, shows up in leadership. So one of the first ones I've seen is when you tether your worthiness to busyness and doing, doing, doing, and production. And that's very common in this grind culture that we live in, where your value is all about how much you produce, how much you achieve. When that happens, what you start to see is that in your leadership, you never stop. You just keep going, going, going, you never rest, and that's when you start to see burnout. And it's not just your own burnout, what you start to see is your whole organization, nobody can stop. That's one pattern I have seen in terms of how worthiness tied to busyness and productivity shapes leadership. And eventually there's a burnout, and the whole team is affected. Another thing I've seen in terms of how a lack of worthiness affects leadership is the difficulty in delegating. When your worthiness is tied to everything being perfect at such a high standard, and get me right, this is not about not caring. This is not about not caring about getting results, about working hard, about ensuring absolute excellence. It's about tying your identity so closely to it, tying your worthiness so closely to it, that when something turns out and it's not of the highest quality, it's not just an indictment of the work. It's an indictment of who you are as a person. So when I see that happening, that's when I see folks struggling with delegation, that's when I see um excellence turning into perfectionism because mistakes, again, are not seen as things to learn from, but mistakes are seen as an indictment on one's value and worthiness. So to me, those are two examples of how I see it showing up. Um what have you seen in terms of leadership in the Western?

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Um, let me start saying by saying that I'm guilty of what you've said. Um for so many years, I was so guilty of because inside I am I am so protective of my reputation and what I've accomplished that for many years I could not give people the room to do what they needed to do and to excel because it was always a mark against me if they did something that I felt didn't line up. But it got to the point that I began to learn to let go. And it was shocking to see how well some of these people actually um like they they do, they were thriving and they were doing better than I was. Um, and even now that I've left um one of the companies I've used I used to work at, when I look at the team and what I what they're putting out now, recently I sent them a message and said, you guys are doing an awesome job. Like you are doing what I was not able to do. Um, so what you're saying is is so true. We we need to find that balance where, yes, it it's it's there's a good side and a bad side to everything, and and it's finding that balance where you do you work in excellence, you have you push people to be excellent, but not to death. Like I mean, yeah, it's there there is that balance. But the other thing um that I I think shows up in leaders that are struggling with feeling worthy and feeling enough is comparison. Yes, and so you find, you know, like comparison is is we all know what it is. It's measuring yourself against someone else or something. And so you you tend to find that leaders begin to compare and they say, you know, am I performing as well as they are? Am I as capable as the next person? Um, you know, am I as respected? Am I as visible? Like you start asking all of these questions, and then you begin to prove and overprove, and and you know, just to kind of keep that voice down of am I as good as the next person, that kind of thing. But yeah, I so there's that side, but the caveat also is that not all comparison is bad, not all. Proving is bad there for me, there is healthy and unhealthy comparison. And I think we always need to keep that in mind. Because for me, there's nothing wrong with comparing yourself to somebody else to use it as a source of motivation. Sure. Or to use it as inspiration for what is possible. Sure. Because it's good. Like we people who have gone ahead of us inspire us to do more and to be more. So the problem is when you compare and you become that that feeling of comparison leads to resentment or anger or bitterness. That's where comparison is at. And in the same way, proving can be also very healthy when it pushes you to strive, to achieve. You know, again, when it it's there's some level of it that you need to also help carry you through the ups and the downs in the sense that you know you you want to use it as a motivator. What I mean by that is, and and here's an example. So recently I launched um my own AI company. Yes. And but in the beginning, when I had the idea, there were a few people that I told about it, and and most people were very lukewarm. And there was somebody that was quite close to me, and and when I mentioned it to the person, they kind of like snickered. And but that rather lit a fire in me to say, you know what, I am going to prove to people that the idea that I have is actually worth something. And now that person is one of my biggest cheerleaders. But what it's so what I'm saying there is there is a healthy dose of proving that will help to push you through the times when other people think that it's not possible. So you need some of that. But again, when you are so determined to prove that even when you're going down a hole, yes, and everybody's trying to tell you, please, the hole. And you're like, no, no, no, no, I'm still going. That's where it gets dangerous. So I I think in all of these things as leaders, we have to realize that there's good and bad in everything. Yes, yes. And it's it's about how do you use these things to build you, to motivate you, to help you to build your team and push them, but not in a negative way, not in a destructive way, that then begins to chip away at people's feelings or even your own sense of who you are. Yes, yes, that's that's maybe.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

You know, it's so interesting as you were speaking, something was coming to mind about the proving and the example you gave. I find that the motivation behind doing something affects the quality of how I do it. So if I'm about to facilitate an event and my motivation is to prove to them that yes, I'm the best facilitator, and yes, I'm the whatever, whatever, then the energy is very egoic. Yes. And I it may still be excellent facilitation, but the energy behind it is quite different. Versus if I come at it not to prove, but as an expression of my worthiness. So not to prove my worthiness, but to express my worthiness, then it has a different energy. Then I notice I'm a lot more in the mode of service. So to your point about the degrees and which one is a healthy or unhealthy, as soon as I get to trying to, it's about my ego, then I know I've gone to the extreme that you say is unhealthy, versus when it's in service, then I know I'm coming from a situation of worthiness. So we should probably, folks, if you're enjoying this conversation and you would love to go deeper, I invite you to join our exclusive online community, Rogue Leadership. It's designed to accompany you to do the inner work required for leadership. So if you want to learn more, click on the link in our show notes. But you then, I think this is a good time for us to turn to. I mean, people must be saying, okay, okay, we get it. We're not enough, and it shows up. So what do we do about it? This is a nuts and bolts episode. So maybe we'll turn to that as the last part of this episode to say, so what are some of the very concrete practices you can take on to really develop that sense of worthiness and not lead from a place of worthiness? Let me start with two, then I'll hand over to you, Julian, to talk about which are ones you know. Um, the first one is one that you're going to hear us singing about and repeating over and over again during this season. And it is around the pause before reacting. I find a lot of leadership behavior that comes from a sense of unworthiness, as often where you're triggered and all of a sudden your insecurity comes up. But because self-awareness is one of your most powerful tools as a leader, when you pause, you give a moment for self-awareness to kick in, and you can start to say, hmm, is my worthiness really in question here? Is this the way I want to respond to this particular situation? So for me, the sacred pause, again, this is a word you're going to hear me using all the time. The sacred pause is a way to ensure that your leadership behavior um doesn't is not impacted negatively from this dance of unworthiness that we we sometimes have.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

And you know, just to add very quickly on the pause, I remember a good friend of mine um always said that as a leader, before you make if you have a decision that you need to make or there's something that um you need to react to, sleep on it. Nice, and then the next morning, if you still feel that you need to do what you had thought of doing the day before, then go ahead. But that pause before reacting is so critical because a lot of times you will wake up the next morning and suddenly when you're calmer, you've had more time to breathe, it's it's sometimes not as critical or as serious as you thought it was, or you are able to deal with it in a more positive way. So um that completely agree gives you power.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

So so the pause is helping you deal with the symptom of the unworthiness and how that might play out in your behavior. But because I would say the second thing is to do the inner work required to do what I call the un-tethering. Back to what you mentioned right at the beginning. All of us have been socialized in different ways to link, condition, tether our worthiness to things outside of us. And part of doing the inner work is one to become aware what are those things. So again, is it about being productive? Is it about how much you earn? Is it about looking a particular way? Whatever it is, just to become, because as soon as you become aware, half of the work is done. With that awareness, then you can start to see, eh, so that's what it is. That's why I behave that way. Now let me see how I can start to del-link and then through whatever practice, start to build your worthiness on a sense of unconditionality. You know, like I am worthy just because I'm a child of God, whatever it is that depending on your faith, but really working to have that so deeply, and that's not something you do overnight. I think, I mean, I feel I have been on that journey for so long, but that's what I would say is my number two: doing the deep inner work to unpether your worthiness and reclaim it so it ultimately becomes unconditional. That would be my number two. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Um, then I'll add two more. Yes. Um, so the the number three for me is a variation of your first one on pausing. Um, and it's about taking time to reflect.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Now, there's an African proverb that I found, and um I had planned to bring this little book to show everyone. In fact, it's somewhere, but um the the the proverb says, making music without pause damages the instruments, and it's so true. So, anybody who is making music, if you continually play, whether it's the piano, the guitar, you name it, it's if you don't take a break, it will damage the instruments. In the same way, you as a person, you are going, you're going, you're going, you're going. If you don't take a break, it will damage you. So, the number three is about taking time to reflect. Now, there are different ways you can do this. You can do it through writing. There are some people who will stop at the end of the day and say, Okay, um, you know, in a few minutes, what are the things that I felt good about? I that that filled my tank. What are the things that I felt drained with? Um, and and you you track those things daily and you begin to see patterns, you begin to see what works, what doesn't work. But if you're not the writing kind, you know, and you prefer to talk, you can also find someone who is close to you. It could be a partner, a spouse, a friend, a family member, whoever it is, but find someone who you can also have that conversation with. And it may not be every day, it may be a weekly check-in, but somebody who you can sit and reflect with and say, okay, this past week, here are the things that gave me energy, here are the things that filled my tank, here are the things that I was struggling with, here are the things that you know really drain me and that I found challenging because you need to self-awareness comes from taking time to pause, yes, and and reflect and understand what's working, what's not working, yes, and having that honest conversation with yourself or putting yourself in the position to have that honest conversation with somebody who can tell you, okay, of all the things you said here, this one you need to work on it. So that's that's one or number three. And then the the fourth one I would say is self-compassion. Now, this one is really, really, really important for me because um let's just say that I so let's say I came to you, Taka, and in a in a moment of needing to reflect, and I said to you, you know, um, I made this big mistake, I'm so foolish, I can't believe I did this stupid thing. Like, I mean, why can't I get anything right? What would you say to me?

SPEAKER_01 33:21

You're a disaster, Julian. How could you have ever done that?

SPEAKER_00 33:24

No, of course I would be like, oh, of course you're not, Julian. You're amazing. Don't be so hard on yourself. Okay. But now, imagine you make a mistake and you are sitting in your bedroom, and now you're saying that to yourself. We treat other people better. We speak to other people better than we speak to ourselves. And so we don't have we don't we don't have compassion on ourselves. We beat ourselves up so much. Yes, and so it then feeds into that sense of unworthiness, and I'm not enough. And it so it really is we are what we say, we are what we say, we are what we tell ourselves, we speak to ourselves more than anybody else in the world. And they say women have like but for the 10,000 that you utter, you probably say 20,000 in your head. Yes, and if those are are criticizing and everything, it is it's it's not loaded. So we need to shake it off and and and really give ourselves a giant hug inside. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

If you can't find someone to give it to you, but but you know, actually, I'm gonna add one more because this has prompted me to think of that. It's almost as if for some self-compassion can be such a leap because the internal critical dialogue has been so high. So potentially, one more is as much as you can surround people who remind you how amazing you are when you forget. Like you gotta clap. We gotta call it a wrap. I mean, we've we've we've talked about this dance of unworthiness, how it shows up in leadership, and we've ended with, you know, with a few tips on how you can build up your worthiness in terms of recognizing that it's a journey. We've been socialized in many ways, but this matters. This matters in terms of your leadership. So if you've enjoyed this show, please subscribe so you don't miss any subsequent ones. We're just at the beginning of the season. So we look forward to continuing to see you in subsequent episodes. See you, ciao bye.